A 'Drunk' Post

hey there. Ugh, 'til now I don't update www.paams.com yet. Lazy, then I'm just not in the mood.

Aaaah and I'm tired now. Just watched 2 movies in the cinema with my old friends. vanda, vircha, ondo & his cousin.

I was trying to sleep and didn't forget to put the 'minyak kayu putih' or 'cajuput oil' on my skin. Waaaarm and comfort. Then I did put the music on. Buble's song...... I should in the dreams now. But....well, I don't know. I just can't sleep. There are just TOO MUCH thoughts in my mind. It is, even, not important at all.

Ya know, I often got this. Like you were trying to sleep, you already close your eyes, then your memories, your dreams, your wishes, your thought, just show up and disturb you. Boo...

Then what I was thinking when I'm going to sleep is always about you. about her, sometimes. about my friends. the old ones, the new ones, all the things. And the funny part is, I rare think about my family. Yeah, you know, teens sometimes don't put the family on the important side. They put their relationship problems there......ya know, friends, lovers, styles, etc etc...

Then suddenly I wanted to write here. Yes, here. The blog in english version. With bad grammar and not important things to write...

I just........

Ugh. And I lost my words.

Ya know, I often think about my future. Who will I be? What will I do? Who is my soulmate? Am I a kind one? A loved one? Or a hated one? When will I die? Who will be my true love...

Everyone did, for sure...... I'm just scared to face my future. Scared to the death. Scared for getting married. Scared............if I fail. If I lost. If I'm not happy to be alive.

People often ask me what I wanna do with my life when I've grown up. Then me, or my mom, or my dad, would say 'she's gonna be an IT one' or 'she's gonna work in design worlds' but I'm not even sure about it. What I want to say is 'I'm gonna work what I'd love to do' but......now money buys everything. All the things. It even buys your dreams...